Click edit button to change this text.Depression can occur in every moment of our lives. Sometimes it anticipates a specific event that triggers the depressive mood: a breakup, the death of a friend or family member, a health problem, work-related stress, or the loss of work. Sometimes, however, depression occurs without previous dramatic events and even without obvious causes. There is then only a general sadness, loneliness and a feeling of emptiness and meaninglessness.

The beginning of depression

When people get depressed, they often feel like they fall into a deep hole. And what should we do if we fall into a hole? Climb out! Almost all people say that, but in fact, the way people handle such a situation, the reactions and behaviors they show, is very different. Not everyone who falls into a hole climbs out right away. Maybe you recognize yourself or a friend in the examples below.

Fall into a hole and start digging

If you fell into a hole, there are many different ways to react and some depressed people show unwholesome behavior. If you suffer from depression, you can add another layer of fatigue to your own suffering by decrying yourself and constantly telling yourself how much you hate depression, feeling that you are feeling miserable, and anyway everything is bad. Then you begin to feel guilty about everything that happens to you, or you blame other people or the universe. It may even go so far as to make you think that you have not earned happiness or that depression and suffering are your new destiny.

The hole of depression

This behavior would be like falling into a deep hole and continuing to dig to make the hole deeper. This behavior is dangerous. It leads to a significant destruction and the longer you spend digging, the deeper you get into the depressive mood and it will be even longer before you come out again.

You can easily recognize someone digging deeper into their hole of depression when they hear how he or she exaggerates and blackens everything, usually blaming the world for what is happening to him or her.

Fall into a hole and make yourself comfortable

Since digging costs a lot of energy, most depressed people do not do this very long. Once they reach a certain depth and are exhausted, it’s time to stop digging and return to a “normal” life.

At this stage, they try to take action to try to regain control. They get up, go to work, live with their family, and continue life as if nothing had happened. They reject their previous situation and they say to themselves: I’m not in the hole anymore. And they begin to cover up their suffering with all the tricks that society offers: consumption, alcohol, smoking, drugs, unhealthy food …

Getting used to depression

At this point you have resigned, stay in the hole and pretend that everything is fine. They begin to decorate their hole to make life more bearable and enjoyable. They set up a television, beautiful furniture and scented candles.

You can easily recognize people in this situation by observing that they are paying so much attention to their material environment, but completely ignoring their psychological problems. Everything looks fine on the surface, but every little event makes her fall back into deep depression. In addition to emotional outbursts such as sadness or anger, other symptoms such as insomnia, restlessness, anxiety, back pain and other psychosomatic symptoms can also occur.

Unfortunately, this is a very common behavior of people with all sorts of problems, such as people with depression, but also with fears, self-doubts, etc. They have repressed the existence of their problems so much that they can no longer see how much they are suffering. Or if they can recognize it, they prefer to sweep it under the carpet because they are afraid of the emotional pain that might follow if they take a deeper look. Many of them never talk about their suffering and do not seek professional help. They are preoccupied with the outer decor without being aware of the freedom and joy they could live outside the hole.

Fall into a hole and climb out

Overcoming depression does not work if you blame yourself or ignore it with a variety of distractions. There is only one way and it is about accepting things as they are. Every depression is an opportunity to take a deep look at your feelings and discover their underlying causes. Although it may be difficult to climb out of the hole, it is worth it. You can not experience the miracle of your life and you can not see how it can be full of joy and peace if you dare not step out of the hole. There is no effort that is more rewarding than deciding to accept all your suffering and all your pain and to take care of solving the problems in the present.

When you start working is up to you. How would you like to live and how would you like to feel? What influence and what kind of charisma do you want to have on other people?

Overcoming depression

There is a way out of the hole and it is not that difficult. It is more about understanding and commitment. It is a way to more peace and more freedom.

1. Acceptance
First, you must accept that your suffering is legitimate. And it’s neither good nor bad. Things are how they are. Do not fight against the circumstances. Just accept it and learn to observe it without judging it and without fear.

2. Responsibility
Try to understand that no one in the world is the cause of your suffering. What does this mean? Even if something traumatic happened to you in the past, the way you think about it in the here and now is your own responsibility. That is, by the way you think, you maintain your depression. There are simply wrong views and thoughts that have led you to these depressive feelings over time. You have to find those wrong thoughts and find out where they come from.

3. Change
There are other types of thoughts and behaviors that lead to happiness and lasting happiness. You must discover these new thoughts and behaviors and feed them daily so that they grow like a tree in you and become stronger and stronger.
Good thoughts lead to good feelings. This point is sometimes particularly difficult, because you develop a kind of operational blindness to your own thoughts. If you need help, I will gladly guide you in an online therapy session.

4. Miracles
Real life takes place outside your hole. It’s full of wonder and magic, friendship and love. There are so many meaningful things to do and to enjoy. And there is a lot of wisdom and craziness that you can explore and share with others.
Life is beautiful.

“There are two ways to live your life, either as if nothing was a miracle, or as if everything was one. I believe in the latter.” Albert Einstein

I introduce myself

Psychologische Onlineberatung Psychotherapie

My name is Carolin Müller, I am a Psychologist (M.Sc.), Buddhist Therapist and Onlinepsychologist. With my clients I talk via VideoCall about depression, worries, anxieties and lack of self-esteem.

Learn more here!

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